It is Tuesday, or what I like to call Blog Day, in the Allen home. It’s not that I find blogging a chore; that designation is confined to anything Tami would like me to do. No, this is more like something like going to the grocery store; I never look forward to it, but once I get there, I find all kinds of goodies that made the trip worthwhile. Make sense? The problem I have with this blogging thing is I never know what to write about. Those of you who know me, know I suffer from ADHD, so my brain is constantly humming along, never stopping for more than a glance at anything of importance to the rest of the world. Heck, it’s not even important to me most times. Obviously, when the words, “watch out for that semi truck” zip through my skull, it becomes fairly important, but when the words, “I can’t believe that person would leave the house wearing those clothes,” darts through my cranium, it really isn’t worth sharing with you, the reader. Except in this case.
A couple of days ago I was driving to the grocery store. I do most of my thinking when I am driving. So my brain is humming along, the usual thoughts are buzzing in and out: “It looks like rain.” “I didn’t know their house was up for sale.” “Gee I wonder if I am too old to take up pole vaulting.” Etc. Then out of the corner of my eye I spot a man on a bicycle. He looked to be about my age. I didn’t think much of it, until I noticed that he was covered head to toe in spandex!
You’d think with all the laws that our government has passed in this country restricting human behavior, they would have gotten around to putting restrictions on who should be allowed to wear spandex in public.
It came upon me so quick that I could not react in time to do anything about it, but the more I dwelled upon this, I began to wonder if the man himself even knew how ridiculous he looked. It’s really sad when you think about it. You have to know there are thousands of folks who don’t have people in their lives who tell them the truth. I have seen men in toupees that looked like road kill, and you just know they have no one to tell them. So it is with this man. I can’t tell you how much this has haunted me. (As a follower of Christ, I believe that this “haunting,” as with many other “hauntings” in my life, are from the Holy Spirit, the counselor that Jesus told me would come to guide me through this life.) As with all dealings with the counselor I ask, “What would you have me do?” So here is what I have been given. Take it or leave it, but it has allowed me to put these awful images behind me. (You got to have a plan)
The next time I see a man my age in spandex on a bicycle, I am running him into a ditch. You know, to get his attention. (In a Christian loving way, of course)
After I get his attention, I will then ask him if he has a mirror in his home. This may be the problem - with no mirror, he can’t possibly see how mind-numbingly ridiculous he looks. But if he says he has a mirror, and he knowingly went out in public like that, then I will volunteer to be his true friend, you know the one who tells him the truth in all circumstances despite his feelings.
Then again, maybe the problem with me and spandex is my problem not his.... Naw! Now if you will excuse me, I need to get to the Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of mirrors before it gets dark.