Navel Academy

I started jogging, today for the two hundredth time in my life. I always seem to go back to running when I am feeling sluggish and fat. Not that I mind feeling those things - as evidenced by the weeks I felt that way and did nothing about it.

I don't need to get into the cycles, or patterns, of my life, but it seems to be the way it goes with me. I get to feeling really good about myself physically... and then just quit doing whatever it was that I was doing. Eventually, I get where I had been for most of the summer, and that is lying in bed every morning picking lint out of the ever deepening crevice of my navel and telling myself I've got to start running to eliminate the flab.

Then I get up, drive to the local mini-mart, get me a bucket of Diet Coke and a Krispy Kreme, enjoy the donut for about thirty seconds after the lard lands in my stomach, and then am overwhelmed with guilt because somewhere inside me is the voice of God telling me "This can't be good for you."  Then I start singing from my favorite Broadway musical, "Tomorrow, Tomorrow...." (Does that make me gay?)

I am sure some of you have been grossed beyond reading any farther than the lint in the  navel thing, but for those of you who have somehow managed to read on and still hold down your Krispy Kreme, this is how I judge my weight. My wife does it by clothing size. I don't like doing that because the clothes manufacturers have caught on. What used to be a size eight, is now a size six.

Some people judge their weight by how large their waistline is. That doesn't work because most men will redefine where there waist is. I have known guys who can't see their feet because of the mass protruding from their midsection and pronounced, "Still a thirty two waist, same as I was in High School." I guess I would be a thirty two waist also if I hung my pants around my kneecaps. Wonder what kind of pant selection there is in the 32" waist / 8" length department?

This is why I use the navel; it is stationary and hard to ignore. Have you ever been in a building that survived a flood, such as a restaurant, where they drew lines on the walls showing the varying depths of the flood waters? I have pretty much marked my index finger the same way. I know how deep my navel can get before I am out of tomorrows. So I ran today, or at my age, I kind of walked fast. All I know is I am finishing here and going to get me the other half of the Krispy Kreme I didn't finish this morning.

Blessings,
Jeff